How Much Sex is Too Much Sex?

This question came up many years ago during a conversation about marital sex. A couple in relationship stress were with friends, when the man suddenly said “I like sex more than my wife”. All eyes stayed with him a few moments, and then, as if choreographed, all together turned to the wife. She meekly said “I can’t satisfy my husband, because he likes too much sex”. Again, as if rehearsed, all eyes looked to the floor for another few moments, before, one by one, gently, carefully, coming back up. No-one could look at either of them. No-one wanted to be accused of taking sides.

Who has been schooled enough in the area of handling marital relationships? Those with professional counselling skills know that this is the make or break point in most relationships, and needs to be handled with absolute caution. Many relationships are sick and on the verge of collapse because the protagonists in the marriage cannot speak about the real issues. Instead, counsellors are lumbered with hours of accusations that almost bother on witch-hunts, such as “he didn’t take out the bin three times in a row”; “she burnt my favourite food”. The list is endless. The real issue started hours ago, in the bedroom. Many people were brought up in a way that does not encourage talking about these issues. They get married because they claim to love each other, and proclaim their love for one another before many witnesses.

On the other hand, some people feel that they should live together first before determining if they are “right” for one another. Common Law arrangements have all the stress and problems of real marriages, without all the benefits. I always ask myself why anyone would want to go for a “Test Marriage”, especially the women. People have been conned, for too long, that marriage has no benefits, until you try it out first. So, what if you try it out, and you don’t like it? Does that erase the years you spent together as ordinary “partners”? That’s another word I like very much “partnerships” because of the business profitability angle. Do “test marriages work like “business partnerships”? A sort of “You bring, I bring: We share the profits”, kind of arrangement? If so, where is the “test” in that? After all the bible says there is “that, which every joint supplies” referring to the anatomy of the human being. Take the right arm for instance. Joined at the shoulder with the rest of the body, and at the elbow to the forearm, it is joined at the wrist to the hand, which normally has five fingers.

A business partnership assumes that each partner is good at “something”, and supplies “some degree of value” to the relationship, like our right arm. Now, imagine if the elbow says to the upper arm, “I really like you very much, but let’s just stay together for now and see if our relationship will work”. If it doesn’t work five years later, I will drop off, and you can go your own way.” Now, that would be something, wouldn’t it? Otherwise, imagine going into a brand new car showroom, and asking for a “test drive”. Five years later, three children and many photographs down the road, you abandon the car on the road, and tell the dealer, “sorry, here are your keys. We are just not compatible. That car has given me too much problems”; “he is always attracting too many women”; “she doesn’t like my mother”. Ah! Get with the program, please. Make up your mind. If a woman is good enough to have your children, she is good enough to marry.

OK, that was a diversion. How much sex is too much sex? Our couple were waiting for a response from all the wise men and women in the room. Suddenly, in about the same time it took you to read the above, the most elderly of the men in the room asked the question. “How much sex is too much sex”? Directed at no-one in particular, I guess the question hit everyone like a bombshell, because I saw every eye go back to the floor, and for a good while, no-one attempted to look up. Suddenly, the woman ventured a weak reply. “Well”, she said slowly, and brought all eyes back up. “I guess there is really nothing like “too much sex” if you are allowed to enjoy the process.” Again, all eyes went to the ground. There must be something on that carpet that attracts so much attention!

Many women are forgiving in other areas of a relationship, but when hurt during sexual encounters, they go for broke. Majority won’t say what is really biting them, because there is still that compelling need to protect the man’s ego. A wise man in a relationship needs to work more on the area of marital sex. This is not about using Viagra for dexterity. There is a certain gentility and finesse that conjures a loving attitude, which, if learned by both sexes, has the capacity to reduce the tensions in relationships. Sex education has been prominently omitted from the learning experiences of people, creating the majority of stress related and mental health symptoms we have in the world today. Every relationship is unique, because the people involved are unique. If you are sexually related to someone and are hoping for a lasting relationship, then you need to find out, how much sex is too much sex?

Pros and Cons of Sex Education – Is Prevention of Teen Pregnancy Possible?

The U.S. Educational system suffered in the last U.S. administration, especially in regards to the pros cons of sex education. When then president George Bush was still campaigning for more funding for abstinence-only education programs in November 2007, it was immediately following a national study found that sex education programs – which included contraception information as an integral feature – were most effective at preventing teen pregnancies. This focus on abstinence-only sex education flew in the face of the findings by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

Today, we are hoping to see a positive increase in the awareness and habits of young people regarding abstinence and safe responsible sex. Unfortunately it remains the poor who lack the opportunity to get the help they need or have a voice as to what their opinions are on these issues that impact their communities. Polls show that most teen pregnancies continue to be amongst blacks and hispanics living in lower income regions of the U.S. The sex education curriculum must consider these findings in better reaching its audience.

Cons – Without Sex Education many young people will be left to the media and hear say to find answers to important questions. Questions – if left unanswered – can lead to unplanned pregnancy and the repetition of a continuing cycle of ignorance. It seems impossible to get an exact match on every parents core values when it comes to sex education, and so it is an ongoing debate more than a con or conflict.

Pros – With Sex Education, young people have the opportunity to learn a basic understanding of their bodies, human reproduction facts and pregnancy prevention techniques. There is no replacing parental, guardian and peer influences upon the behavior of young people. The sexual attitudes and low teen pregnancy statistics of many European cultures is a great example of progressive education. It is hopeful that the current U.S. policy toward sex education will be encouraged by the study of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

When I counsel families and couples, I try to encourage a proactive approach to learning about sex. There are two extremely good resources that I recommend to my clients for their knowledge of intercourse and hopefully have an impact on lesson plans in their families and communities. Having knowledge and wisdom about sex is an invaluable gift to share as a parent or peer of a young person who may not find the greatest sex advice elsewhere.

Abstinence Only Sex Education – Does it Work?

Does abstinence only sex education work? The United States government funded a nine -year, 7 million-dollar study, to discover whether abstinence only sex education classes are effective. Abstinence education encourages students to wait until marriage to have sex. The Bush administration financed the establishment of thousands of these programs across the United States and wanted to gauge their impact. The study found that students who participated in abstinence-only education programs were just as likely to engage in premarital sex as students who did not participate in such programs. This is not good news for the proponents of abstinence only education. It leaves one wondering what is the most effective way to teach teens about sexual behavior and its consequences. I decided to ask the ‘experts’, some high school students.

Most kids think that high school is way too late for sex education. Elementary school is when kids should be learning about abstinence only. According to the high school students I talked to, most sixteen year olds are already sexually active. Don’t expect them to listen to anyone teaching them about abstinence.

Most teens don’t like to be told what to do. They say if abstinence- only programs just ‘straight-out’ tell kids ‘don’t have sex’, they won’t listen. You have to provide teens with the facts and statistics. Tell them about the long-term problems that can result from having sex before marriage and then let them make the decision about whether or not to practice abstinence on their own.

A number of high school students I spoke to claimed the main problem is most teens don’t have a communicative relationship with their parents. So many parents are busy with work and social lives of their own, or they are divorced and don’t live nearby and so they don’t spend much time with their kids. Kids might learn the hazards of pre-martial sex if their parents were around enough to teach them. According to some high school students the government should be spending millions of dollars to teach adults how to parent, not on teaching teenagers how to stay abstinent.

One young woman wisely observed that teens are only doing what they see as socially acceptable. The problem lies with adults and the behavior they role model. They are showing the younger generation that it is okay to ‘sleep around.

I was reminded by many of the students I talked to that kids don’t like to be told what to do, especially by adults. Maybe if someone developed a sex education program that didn’t force a rulebook down teens’ throats they would listen and not just treat it as a joke. One girl told me she had decided to abstain from pre-martial sex but not because of a sex education program. All it took was hearing her mother’s story. Her mother had made mistakes when it came to sex that the girl certainly didn’t want to emulate.

One thoughtful young man said religion needs to play a greater role. He told me lots of kids believe they should be abstinent and save themselves for their honeymoon because of their religious values. He wished more religious groups would be outspoken about their support for abstinence.

Several kids told me lots of unprotected sex happens when teens are under the influence of alcohol and drugs. They are also a huge part of the problem.

The high school students I talked with had wise and insightful things to say about abstinence only education. Why spend 7 million dollars on a study when you’ll probably learn the most by just talking to the teens in your community?